We are often asked, “Where does the name come from

Whats in a Name?

We are often asked, "Where does the name come from?"

Well, the answer depends upon such variables as level of sobriety, quickness of imagination, beard length, ambient atmospheric pressure and - most importantly – who exactly was asked in the first place. Below are some of the more likely explanations, painstakingly researched, and unfettered by the usual traditions of historical accuracy:

The Stone Monkey was the God of the South American, Stone-age Karowai people. When a warrior wished to court a partner, he would first ask for the blessing of the Stone Monkey by ritually imbibing large amounts of a plant-based liquid. He would decorate his legs with ash and charcoal in a stripy pattern and dance in front of the woman until she gave in.(Footnote : In less than five years after their discovery ,in 1900, the Karowai were decimated by whooping cough and their culture destroyed by the arrival of Cecil Sharp, Folk Historian. Sadly, the practice of drinking, striping the legs and dancing in the hope of a shag has died out...or has it?).
In the 19^th Century the Royal Navy kept it’s balls stacked on a Brass Monkey. It is well documented that in cold weather the metal contracted and warped, tipping balls everywhere. The introduction of the larger, 2lb ball meant that the Monkey was in need of a re-design. One of the first materials to be tried was stone. Unfortunately, the Stone Monkey pre-dated the invention of toe-tectors. The Stone Monkey gained the reputation of having bigger balls than everything else, but being bad for the feet.
In the days before the arrival of gunpowder in Europe the most popular hand-held weapon was the slingshot. In ancient battles, just as today, it was important to keep the flow of ammunition to the fighters. Small boys were chosen, their duty was to run about the field supplying the fighters with bags of stones. Their scampering gait, in order to keep their heads low for protection, earned them the nick-name "Monkeys". Before long this became Stone Monkeys. A Stone Monkey had to be quick, agile and completely stupid to survive. When gun powder replaced stone, the Powder Monkey was born.
Here is an extract from Prof Hugh Jarses’ book, "Medieval Newcastle" :

"As the fledgling Newcastle developed a new, stone built berth for shipping was built on the North bank of the Tyne to eventually replace the original wooden structure on the South bank. For some time these operated in tandem, the south bank was "the wood main quay", the north "the stone main quay". Competition and rivalry was strong between the men who worked on the quays, not least of all in the dance teams which sprang up on each side. The south bank men used sticks to perform a dance similar to the modern Morris tradition – but the north bank men wished to better this and prove their masculinity. They devised a dance in which they carried obelisks in excess of 30 lbs in weight in a slow, snake-like dance not unlike the Abbot’s Bromley tradition. To prove their hardiness the dance was not short and the heavy obelisks caused them to curse profusely (and not always inaudibly). Thus , the Stone Main Quay men became known for their "Long, Sweared Dance".

In Ancient Times, priories, being the closest ancient England had to infirmaries, would devise potions and unctions from local plants, produce and herbs (fox-gloves, dandelions, mead etc.). Obviously, the monks would try out these potions to check that they ware effective, and from the quantities of mead and digitalis, would have a slightly altered perception of reality, and their efforts to lock up the dispensary would appear to be a ritualistic dance. Younger clerics, not yet trained in the healing arts, would practise these "dances" to curry favour with the senior clerics. The routine became known as the Dance of the Stoned Monk's Key, and effectively tied together the ideas of the dancers being of culture separate from normal society and the ritualistic intoxication of the dancers.

In China, it was the practice of the peasant farmers to practice Tai Chi in formation in the centre of their village early every morning before work. This ritual performance of the precision figures of the ancient martial art came to represent the passing of night into day, the chasing off of the moon and welcoming of the sun. The Sun-Moon Chi dancers were idols in their community for their clean living, hard working lifestyle and their dedication to rising before dawn and honing their art to the peak of human perfection before ritually cleansing their bodies inside and out with icy water.

Notes:
a) Dawn in China is approximately 2:15 pm in the UK,
b) It is widely held that he addition of a medicinal spirit to icy water intended for internal use, greatly reduces the risk of bacterial infection

At the Turn of the Century in the North East of England, poorer families were often unable to find the money to buy bread from their meagre wages. Often the children could be found hanging around the bakery door near the end of the day in the hope that the baker may give them some of the stale bread left over from his days trading. Very occasionally, some of the bakers more fancy goods would be left unsold and he would toss the sweetened and fruited cakes to the boys huddled in the street. Such a treat was this (and the competition so fierce to grab a morsel of the prize) that only the fittest and strongest of the boys would dare to dive into the wreathing squirming pile of bodies heaped on top of the raisin encrusted bun. Soon these "Scone Monkeys" became the most feared and respected group on the street and (although infrequent and easily missed by all but the most observant), their fierce scrum-like battle became a legend frequently related (and even imitated) in smoke blackened tavern bar rooms to this day.

"Stone Monkey" is a brand of erection sustaining cream manufactured in Taiwan.